Nurtfebtun Beptappagmilbimcetnat is a god.

It takes the form of a massive, self-confident zebra.

Nurtfebtun Beptappagmilbimcetnat created light five trillion years ago.

If you believe in Nurtfebtun Beptappagmilbimcetnat, it will answer your prayers.

If you do not believe in Nurtfebtun Beptappagmilbimcetnat, it will turn you into a giant slug.

Nurtfebtun Beptappagmilbimcetnat's most sacred site is Trujillo in Spain.

Nurtfebtun Beptappagmilbimcetnat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not chop down trees.

2. Never write about archaea.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never talk about fire.