Matrakjan is a god.

It takes the form of a four thousand metre long, narcissistic salamander.

Matrakjan created humankind four billion years ago.

If you believe in Matrakjan, it will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Matrakjan, it will send you a sign.

Matrakjan's most sacred site is Brancion in France.

Matrakjan's Holy Commandments

1. Fast once a month.

2. Respect your elders.

3. Never talk about chlorophyll.

4. Erect seven lead sculptures of Matrakjan on top of important buildings.

5. Always stare at clouds.