Wiptaggov is a god.

She takes the form of a galaxy-sized, humorless jaguar.

Wiptaggov created the planet Mars four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Wiptaggov, she will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Wiptaggov, she will manifest in front of you.

Wiptaggov's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Wiptaggov's Holy Commandments

1. Learn five new languages a year.

2. Never paint your back blue.

3. Wiptaggov loves grasshopers, so they must be respected.

4. Always help doves in need.

5. Always make sure there are no frogs in a room before entering it.