Nurtsugwit is a god.

She takes the form of a very heavy, omnipotent bird.

Nurtsugwit created the planet Venus three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nurtsugwit, she will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Nurtsugwit, she will destroy your favourite galaxy.

Nurtsugwit's most sacred site is Bertkow in Germany.

Nurtsugwit's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed lots of tomatoes to turtles while wearing pink ear rings.

2. Hide if nine nematodes approach from the east.

3. Run away from violet capybaras, for they are unholy.

4. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Do not keep three shrews in a large pit.