Tarmetril is a god.

He takes the form of a three hundred metre long, all-knowing pig.

Tarmetril created the solar system seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Tarmetril, he will grant your every desire.

If you do not believe in Tarmetril, he will turn you into a snail.

Tarmetril's most sacred site is Ifaty in Madagascar.

Tarmetril's Holy Commandments

1. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

2. Never mention doves.

3. Always help shrews.

4. You must love Tarmetril.

5. Do not wear purple clothing.