Nartzen is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, blissful owl.

Nartzen created Europe four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nartzen, she will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Nartzen, she will refuse to believe in you.

Nartzen's most sacred site is Qantir in Egypt.

Nartzen's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if four capybaras approach from the west.

2. Never write about nebulae.

3. Nartzen loves doves, so they must be honoured.

4. Never jump near squirrels.

5. Always look after injured hamsters.