Japmetlan is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, selfish hummingbird.

Japmetlan created bats three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Japmetlan, he will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Japmetlan, he will destroy your favourite planet.

Japmetlan's most sacred site is Manja in Madagascar.

Japmetlan's Holy Commandments

1. You must never eat aubergines.

2. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

3. Respect your elders.

4. Never talk about fire.

5. Do not keep six snails in a large pit.