Nilyamlig is a god.

He takes the form of an eight hundred metre long, unthinking giraffe.

Nilyamlig created water seven million years ago.

If you believe in Nilyamlig, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Nilyamlig, he will jump up and down on your head.

Nilyamlig's most sacred site is Nuorgam in Finland.

Nilyamlig's Holy Commandments

1. You must pray to Nilyamlig nine times a day.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Nilyamlig.

3. Never feed lots of onions to birds while wearing brown coats.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Fast once a month.