Quatsawkon is a god.

She takes the form of a very fat, fast ant.

Quatsawkon created bats five million years ago.

If you believe in Quatsawkon, she will give you great power.

If you do not believe in Quatsawkon, she will make you grow a tail.

Quatsawkon's most sacred site is Paavola in Finland.

Quatsawkon's Holy Commandments

1. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

2. Your children must be taught to worship Quatsawkon.

3. Do not stand on grass.

4. Do not take Quatsawkon's name in vain.

5. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.