Quagtaparm is a god.

He takes the form of a six hundred metre long, annoying bat.

Quagtaparm created the Small Magellanic Cloud six thousand years ago.

If you believe in Quagtaparm, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Quagtaparm, he will try to impress you with trees.

Quagtaparm's most sacred site is Manamedu in India.

Quagtaparm's Holy Commandments

1. Never feed grapes to dolphins while wearing violet tights.

2. Never think about cell theory.

3. Hide from white mice for they are unholy.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Hide if six bats approach from the south.