Arfvadril Nankipmonmad Queeg is a god.

She takes the form of a giant, unselfish bear.

Arfvadril Nankipmonmad Queeg created the planet Mars seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Arfvadril Nankipmonmad Queeg, she will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Arfvadril Nankipmonmad Queeg, she will turn you into a hamster.

Arfvadril Nankipmonmad Queeg's most sacred site is Nanjie in China.

Arfvadril Nankipmonmad Queeg's Holy Commandments

1. Never eat green fruit.

2. Never talk about quantum gravity near squirrels while wearing red kilts and balancing three iron spheres on your feet.

3. Always take life seriously.

4. Worship no other gods but Arfvadril Nankipmonmad Queeg.

5. Paint representations of galaxies on the walls of your dwelling place.