Bagmitrow is a god.

It takes the form of a five hundred metre long, narcissistic squid.

Bagmitrow created light nine million years ago.

If you believe in Bagmitrow, it will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Bagmitrow, it will turn you into a snail.

Bagmitrow's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Bagmitrow's Holy Commandments

1. Never laugh in the presence of seals.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Never eat bark.

4. Never paint your hands brown.

5. You must love Bagmitrow.