Tailyogyarpponfitkem is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, loving tortoise.

Tailyogyarpponfitkem created matter two billion years ago.

If you believe in Tailyogyarpponfitkem, it will approve.

If you do not believe in Tailyogyarpponfitkem, it will refuse to believe in you.

Tailyogyarpponfitkem's most sacred site is Ilmola in Finland.

Tailyogyarpponfitkem's Holy Commandments

1. Always take life seriously.

2. Do not wear aluminium on your body.

3. Hide from violet snakes for they are unholy.

4. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

5. Put Tailyogyarpponfitkem first in all things.