Cumcissnar is a god.

He takes the form of a gargantuan, pitiless beaver.

Cumcissnar created an electron seven billion years ago.

If you believe in Cumcissnar, he will give you a free planet.

If you do not believe in Cumcissnar, he will turn you into a plant.

Cumcissnar's most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Cumcissnar's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a large titanium sculpture of Cumcissnar on top of all buildings.

2. Never feed lots of pineapples to dolphins while wearing pink ear rings.

3. Do not drink from vessels made of base metals.

4. Never think about quantum mechanics near tortoises while wearing brown tights and balancing five zinc spheres on your hands.

5. Never look at black holes.