Kimorttenbat is a god.

He takes the form of a very fat, unfair dugong.

Kimorttenbat created a strange quark eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Kimorttenbat, he will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Kimorttenbat, he will try to impress you with rainbows.

Kimorttenbat's most sacred site is Buskerud in Norway.

Kimorttenbat's Holy Commandments

1. Never sprint near capybaras.

2. Retreat if five moths approach from the north.

3. Never talk about ants.

4. Never eat melons.

5. Show mercy to disobedient children.