Canbop Japbabmig is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, vain monkey.

Canbop Japbabmig created humankind four years ago.

If you believe in Canbop Japbabmig, he will give you lots of grapes.

If you do not believe in Canbop Japbabmig, he will turn you into a sparrow.

Canbop Japbabmig's most sacred site is Tatul in Bulgaria.

Canbop Japbabmig's Holy Commandments

1. Canbop Japbabmig loves whales, so they must be respected.

2. Do not drink alcohol.

3. Never think about ultrasonics near shrews while wearing cyan corsets and balancing nine zinc spheres on your hands.

4. Fast once a month.

5. Always look both ways before crossing roads.