Hitlincad is a god.

It takes the form of a very fat, stupid whale.

Hitlincad created Asia eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Hitlincad, it will make you immortal.

If you do not believe in Hitlincad, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Hitlincad's most sacred site is Aimala in Finland.

Hitlincad's Holy Commandments

1. Never talk about quantum mechanics near horses while wearing cyan hats and balancing eight platinum spheres on your back.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Never write about stars.

4. Always help frogs.

5. Always take life seriously.