Bemteenlist is a god.

He takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, almighty porpoise.

Bemteenlist created a charm quark four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Bemteenlist, he will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Bemteenlist, he will say rude things about you at parties.

Bemteenlist's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Bemteenlist's Holy Commandments

1. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

2. Erect a giant yellow sculpture of Bemteenlist in the centre of the settlement.

3. Always help sick badgers.

4. Never feed pineapples to pigs while wearing ear rings.

5. Learn eight new languages a year.