Hivcisswancen is a god.

He takes the form of a very heavy, intelligent gorilla.

Hivcisswancen created the solar system eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hivcisswancen, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Hivcisswancen, he will make you grow a tail.

Hivcisswancen's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Hivcisswancen's Holy Commandments

1. Paint representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place in green.

2. Do not speak about beans.

3. Never think about evolution by means of natural selection.

4. Hide if nine capybaras approach from the west.

5. Erect eight silver sculptures of Hivcisswancen on top of important buildings.