Rowtiflid is a god.

He takes the form of a chunky, ruthless tapir.

Rowtiflid created a Higgs boson nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Rowtiflid, he will look favourably on your prayers.

If you do not believe in Rowtiflid, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Rowtiflid's most sacred site is Ringford in Scotland.

Rowtiflid's Holy Commandments

1. Never mention whales.

2. Feed all hungry bats.

3. Never talk about swans.

4. Do not stand on grass.

5. Never bounce near seals.