Gadvolkam is a god.

It takes the form of a six thousand metre long, calm giraffe.

Gadvolkam created a strange quark four thousand years ago.

If you believe in Gadvolkam, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Gadvolkam, it will send twenty two thousand, three hundred, and seventy eight badgers to sort you out.

Gadvolkam's most sacred site is Meidrim in Wales.

Gadvolkam's Holy Commandments

1. Draw representations of dwarf planets on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Erect a large iron sculpture of Gadvolkam on top of all buildings.

3. Never look in ponds.

4. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Gadvolkam.