Sitbessmig is a god.

He takes the form of a galaxy-sized, emotional octopus.

Sitbessmig created Africa two million years ago.

If you believe in Sitbessmig, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Sitbessmig, he will turn you into a duck.

Sitbessmig's most sacred site is Goldcliff in Wales.

Sitbessmig's Holy Commandments

1. Do not stand on grass.

2. Do not listen to music.

3. Always obey Sitbessmig's priests.

4. Never feed cherries to nematodes while wearing hats.

5. Fast once a month.