Jarnstigbidmid is a god.

She takes the form of a five thousand metre long, unthoughtful skunk.

Jarnstigbidmid created gold eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Jarnstigbidmid, she will be very happy.

If you do not believe in Jarnstigbidmid, she will turn you into a duck.

Jarnstigbidmid's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Jarnstigbidmid's Holy Commandments

1. Birds are not to be trusted.

2. Do not take Jarnstigbidmid's name in vain.

3. Always look both ways before crossing roads.

4. Never think about optics near whales while wearing yellow kilts and balancing three zinc spheres on your head.

5. Fast once a month.