Ladnarlmon is a god.

He takes the form of a nine hundred metre long, passionate porpoise.

Ladnarlmon created water three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Ladnarlmon, he will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Ladnarlmon, he will curse you and those you beget for all time.

Ladnarlmon's most sacred site is Katteri in India.

Ladnarlmon's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the south.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of silicon.

3. Never hurt sheep.

4. Never write about planets.

5. Never think about optics near squirrels while wearing pink stockings and balancing three platinum spheres on your feet.