Narlsawkad is a god.

He takes the form of a heavy, clever crocodile.

Narlsawkad created Africa nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Narlsawkad, he will look after your home planet.

If you do not believe in Narlsawkad, he will boil you in a big pot.

Narlsawkad's most sacred site is Xaaga in Mexico.

Narlsawkad's Holy Commandments

1. Erect a giant cyan sculpture of Narlsawkad in the centre of the settlement.

2. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.

3. Always make sure there are no monkeys in a building before entering it.

4. Worship no other gods but Narlsawkad.

5. Always treat gulls with great respect.