Lagrawcum is a god.

He takes the form of a seven thousand metre long, staggering gerbil.

Lagrawcum created the Large Magellanic Cloud eight million years ago.

If you believe in Lagrawcum, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Lagrawcum, he will turn you into a goat.

Lagrawcum's most sacred site is Monong in Botswana.

Lagrawcum's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Never mention sharks.

3. Never write about the inheritance of acquired characteristics.

4. Retreat if six capybaras approach from the north.

5. Paint representations of planets on the walls of your dwelling place in cyan.