Pibyimqueeg is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly fat, unsympathetic cobra.

Pibyimqueeg created carbon three trillion years ago.

If you believe in Pibyimqueeg, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Pibyimqueeg, it will make you grow a tail.

Pibyimqueeg's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Pibyimqueeg's Holy Commandments

1. Do not keep seven manatees in a large pit.

2. Never feed limes to horses while wearing ear rings.

3. Always pray in complete darkness.

4. Never paint your chest fawn.

5. Never eat cherries.