Gomkikmab is a god.

He takes the form of a four hundred metre long, temperamental guinea pig.

Gomkikmab created parasitic wasps eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Gomkikmab, he will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Gomkikmab, he will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Gomkikmab's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Gomkikmab's Holy Commandments

1. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Never look at asteroids.

4. Do not take Gomkikmab's name in vain.

5. Always stare at clouds.