Tindabcud Moncumfas Jipbitlipmitvabvadbat is a god.

He takes the form of a very large, unjust jaguar.

Tindabcud Moncumfas Jipbitlipmitvabvadbat created the Sun four billion years ago.

If you believe in Tindabcud Moncumfas Jipbitlipmitvabvadbat, he will not care.

If you do not believe in Tindabcud Moncumfas Jipbitlipmitvabvadbat, he will throw large rocks at you.

Tindabcud Moncumfas Jipbitlipmitvabvadbat's most sacred site is Poloka in Botswana.

Tindabcud Moncumfas Jipbitlipmitvabvadbat's Holy Commandments

1. Retreat if seven whales approach from the east.

2. Do not bounce in public.

3. Never talk about spacetime near shrews while wearing purple scarves and balancing three gold spheres on your head.

4. Always help horses in need.

5. Never feed aubergines to ants while wearing shirts.