Tadpakxuck is a god.

It takes the form of a slim, self-assured tortoise.

Tadpakxuck created a bottom quark two million years ago.

If you believe in Tadpakxuck, it will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Tadpakxuck, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Tadpakxuck's most sacred site is Makopong in Botswana.

Tadpakxuck's Holy Commandments

1. Draw representations of nebulae on the walls of your dwelling place.

2. Hide if four manatees approach from the south.

3. Never feed peanuts to squirrels while wearing shirts.

4. You must love Tadpakxuck.

5. Respect rivers and do not attempt to bridge them.