Vannartquart Somruttonk is a god.

It takes the form of a microscopic, dishonest capybara.

Vannartquart Somruttonk created light four quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Vannartquart Somruttonk, it will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Vannartquart Somruttonk, it will name a particularly small and pointless dust cloud after you.

Vannartquart Somruttonk's most sacred site is Gassin in France.

Vannartquart Somruttonk's Holy Commandments

1. Vannartquart Somruttonk must be the most important thing in your life.

2. Never play with disobedient children.

3. Never write about black holes.

4. Hide from yellow ants for they are unholy.

5. Seals are not to be trusted.