Nattofpangar Vabkarrat is a god.

She takes the form of a huge, two-faced troll.

Nattofpangar Vabkarrat created tapeworms three hundred thousand years ago.

If you believe in Nattofpangar Vabkarrat, she will be surprised.

If you do not believe in Nattofpangar Vabkarrat, she will send four elderly elephants to rub you out.

Nattofpangar Vabkarrat's most sacred site is Kottucherry in India.

Nattofpangar Vabkarrat's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about dark energy.

2. Ponytails are unholy and must not be worn.

3. Run away if three doves approach from the south.

4. Do not dye your hair purple.

5. Do not covet oxen.