Tettinurlpas is a god.

It takes the form of an exceedingly large, quiet wolf.

Tettinurlpas created a top quark four million years ago.

If you believe in Tettinurlpas, it will grant all your wishes.

If you do not believe in Tettinurlpas, it will hide angry, venomous snakes in your dwelling place.

Tettinurlpas' most sacred site is Fangchuan in China.

Tettinurlpas' Holy Commandments

1. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

2. Never wear red stockings.

3. Always help sick seals.

4. Tettinurlpas must be the most important thing in your life.

5. Your children must be taught to worship Tettinurlpas.