Hatcumhun is a god.

He takes the form of a large, thoughtless jaguar.

Hatcumhun created everything that exists eight trillion years ago.

If you believe in Hatcumhun, he will laugh at you.

If you do not believe in Hatcumhun, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Hatcumhun's most sacred site is Olmarch in Wales.

Hatcumhun's Holy Commandments

1. Pray towards the south.

2. Radishes are unclean and should not be eaten.

3. Never laugh in the presence of mites.

4. Do not drink water in indigo rooms.

5. Do not drink from vessels made of platinum.