Xemmisfit is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely large, duplicitous coyote.

Xemmisfit created humanity five quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Xemmisfit, she will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Xemmisfit, she will laugh at you.

Xemmisfit's most sacred site is Iskmo in Finland.

Xemmisfit's Holy Commandments

1. Never chant in the presence of squirrels.

2. Show mercy to disobedient children.

3. Hide from indigo whales for they are unholy.

4. Never think about thermodynamics near swans while wearing fawn shirts and balancing eight copper spheres on your head.

5. Always make a point of helping unfortunate ducks.