Canwotloop is a god.

She takes the form of an extremely fat, slow swan.

Canwotloop created a Higgs boson eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Canwotloop, she will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Canwotloop, she will turn you into a rock.

Canwotloop's most sacred site is Goat's Hole Cave in England.

Canwotloop's Holy Commandments

1. You must love Canwotloop.

2. Never feed figs to cats while wearing mauve rings.

3. Retreat if four frogs approach from the east.

4. Your children must be taught to worship Canwotloop.

5. Pray towards the north.