Bedfemshav is a god.

It takes the form of a large, deceitful aardvark.

Bedfemshav created the Whirlpool Galaxy eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Bedfemshav, it will ignore you.

If you do not believe in Bedfemshav, it will name a particularly small and pointless comet after you.

Bedfemshav's most sacred site is Snapp in Sweden.

Bedfemshav's Holy Commandments

1. Show mercy to disobedient children.

2. Do not drink from vessels made of earth.

3. Bedfemshav must be the most important thing in your life.

4. Never pour water over plants.

5. Erect a large copper sculpture of Bedfemshav on top of all buildings.