Ominquartbell is a god.

She takes the form of a six thousand metre long, omniscient rhinoceros.

Ominquartbell created the world two trillion years ago.

If you believe in Ominquartbell, she will look on you favourably.

If you do not believe in Ominquartbell, she will turn you into a rat.

Ominquartbell's most sacred site is Pontelandolfo in Italy.

Ominquartbell's Holy Commandments

1. Always pray in complete darkness.

2. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.

3. Do not chop down trees.

4. Never think ill of sick badgers.

5. Do not trade with those who eat oranges.