Honomtlam is a god.

She takes the form of a chunky, conceited snail.

Honomtlam created the Sun nine billion years ago.

If you believe in Honomtlam, she will remain indifferent to you.

If you do not believe in Honomtlam, she will turn you into a small brown duck.

Honomtlam's most sacred site is Anony in Madagascar.

Honomtlam's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no otters in a building before entering it.

2. Honomtlam loves goats, so they must be honoured.

3. Do not make images of living things.

4. Cucumbers are unclean and must never pass your lips.

5. Never feed oranges to nematodes while wearing brown tights.