Vagzaglarndid is a god.

He takes the form of a corpulent, idiotic shrew.

Vagzaglarndid created tapeworms eight billion years ago.

If you believe in Vagzaglarndid, he will grant you three wishes.

If you do not believe in Vagzaglarndid, he will turn you into a hamster.

Vagzaglarndid's most sacred site is Borolong in Botswana.

Vagzaglarndid's Holy Commandments

1. Never think ill of sick squirrels.

2. Do not cook food in pots.

3. Never feed gooseberries to swans while wearing boots.

4. Do not commit murder.

5. Doors are unholy and should not be erected.