Ganyarlcam is a god.

She takes the form of a microscopic, happy spider.

Ganyarlcam created the universe eight million years ago.

If you believe in Ganyarlcam, she will make you lucky.

If you do not believe in Ganyarlcam, she will turn you into a snail.

Ganyarlcam's most sacred site is Troms in Norway.

Ganyarlcam's Holy Commandments

1. Never think about cell theory.

2. Do not make images of living things.

3. Always pray immersed in water.

4. Do not chop down trees.

5. Do not kill horses.