Tinstragpak is a god.

He takes the form of a very small, omniscient swallow.

Tinstragpak created parasitic wasps five billion years ago.

If you believe in Tinstragpak, he will look after you all your life.

If you do not believe in Tinstragpak, he will jump up and down fuming with rage.

Tinstragpak's most sacred site is Brechfa in Wales.

Tinstragpak's Holy Commandments

1. Always make sure there are no bats in a room before entering it.

2. Never mention monkeys.

3. Never think about thermodynamics near dogs while wearing blue boots and balancing four silver spheres on your arms.

4. Always prostrate yourself in the presence of your elders.

5. Do not listen to music.