Mutarfbem is a god.

He takes the form of an enormous, benevolent fish.

Mutarfbem created an up quark eight thousand years ago.

If you believe in Mutarfbem, he will celebrate by creating some universes.

If you do not believe in Mutarfbem, he will name a particularly small and pointless asteroid after you.

Mutarfbem's most sacred site is Basalorum in Sweden.

Mutarfbem's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Mutarfbem's name in vain.

2. Look mercifully on unfortunate tapirs.

3. Seals are not to be trusted.

4. Never eat green fruit.

5. Never write about chromosomes.