Parkhubjarn is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, thoughtless centipede.

Parkhubjarn created light eight quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Parkhubjarn, he will ignore you forever.

If you do not believe in Parkhubjarn, he will try to impress you with trees.

Parkhubjarn's most sacred site is Laurila in Finland.

Parkhubjarn's Holy Commandments

1. Never jump near monkeys.

2. Hide if five shrews approach from the south.

3. Always obey Parkhubjarn's priests.

4. Do not keep seven nematodes in a large pit.

5. Never play with disobedient children.