Tofpadcut is a god.

It takes the form of a five thousand metre long, moody otter.

Tofpadcut created the Black Eye Galaxy seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tofpadcut, it will give you a massive pile of rare-earth elements.

If you do not believe in Tofpadcut, it will turn you into a small brown duck.

Tofpadcut's most sacred site is Landsort in Sweden.

Tofpadcut's Holy Commandments

1. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

2. Permit no heathen within the settlement walls.

3. Never wear magenta trousers.

4. Always look after injured nematodes.

5. Do not speak about parsnips.