Padfunpop is a god.

He takes the form of an extremely fat, all-powerful gerbil.

Padfunpop created the Small Magellanic Cloud nine million years ago.

If you believe in Padfunpop, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Padfunpop, he will curse you and those you beget for fifty two trillion years.

Padfunpop's most sacred site is Dingcun in China.

Padfunpop's Holy Commandments

1. Do not keep eight sharks in a large pit.

2. Tell all that you meet of the great power of Padfunpop.

3. Capybaras are unholy and should not be approached.

4. Geese are not to be trusted.

5. Never write about horizontal gene transfer.