Monkarcud is a god.

She takes the form of a seven hundred metre long, unthoughtful bear.

Monkarcud created the solar system seven quadrillion years ago.

If you believe in Monkarcud, she will be happy.

If you do not believe in Monkarcud, she will turn you into a worm.

Monkarcud's most sacred site is Minnigaff in Scotland.

Monkarcud's Holy Commandments

1. Never hurt porpoises.

2. Always take life seriously.

3. Ants are not to be trusted.

4. Do not listen to heathen tongues.

5. Do not dye your hair turquoise.