Lapkabkenboss is a god.

He takes the form of a fat, selfish hydra.

Lapkabkenboss created an atom six million years ago.

If you believe in Lapkabkenboss, he will grant you five wishes.

If you do not believe in Lapkabkenboss, he will turn you into a goat.

Lapkabkenboss' most sacred site is Vinezac in France.

Lapkabkenboss' Holy Commandments

1. Never eat bark.

2. Never hurt dolphins.

3. Never hop near doves.

4. Never talk about grasshopers.

5. Always make sure there are no eagles in a room before entering it.