Tonjamnat is a god.

He takes the form of a planet-sized, happy guinea pig.

Tonjamnat created an atom seven trillion years ago.

If you believe in Tonjamnat, he will give you a free moon.

If you do not believe in Tonjamnat, he will turn you into a dog.

Tonjamnat's most sacred site is Miiluranta in Finland.

Tonjamnat's Holy Commandments

1. Do not take Tonjamnat's name in vain.

2. Potatoes are unclean and must never pass your lips.

3. Paint representations of asteroids on the walls of your dwelling place in pink.

4. Never talk about electromagnetism near whales while wearing blue corsets.

5. Always treat bats with great respect.