Hamtofgam is a god.

It takes the form of an extremely heavy, vain mongoose.

Hamtofgam created the planet Mars two billion years ago.

If you believe in Hamtofgam, it will be happy.

If you do not believe in Hamtofgam, it will turn you into a rock.

Hamtofgam's most sacred site is Daraina in Madagascar.

Hamtofgam's Holy Commandments

1. Do not imbibe mustard, for it is unholy.

2. Do not fashion models of living things.

3. Always help ducks.

4. Always help sick monkeys.

5. Never think about black holes.